I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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