I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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