I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i think i just lost a toe
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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