who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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