Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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