That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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