I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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