so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
