I cannot find my penis.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
