Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize