Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
