i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
