dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am available for nakedness
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
