I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would ride that face into the sunset
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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