I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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