we made out on top of his cat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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