I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
