I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
be right there i have to get my cape
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
