Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
