I just made out with a guy for $7.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she peed on how many people?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize