Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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