I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
