she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Farmville is her only friend.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
