I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize