I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My cat gives me a boner
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
