do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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