Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
