omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
