I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
