OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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