I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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