Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
