if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
