Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
