I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
