I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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