are you so shy because you have an std?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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