So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
