Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
