i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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