i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
