I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
