I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
