She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
