I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
