I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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