He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
