we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
