Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
