im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
