Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
