it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
