we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
