The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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