JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
