Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
