Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Randomize
