It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
