College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
