One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
