thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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