I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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