Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Randomize