i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
