Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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