Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
