it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
