so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
