i used baking grease as lip gloss
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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