I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
