That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
