Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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