Swine flu is the new snow day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
