Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
