i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
