Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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