He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
