Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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