i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
