marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize