I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
