I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
They should really pass out barf bags in church
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
