I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dicks are not precious.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
