ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
