Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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