I will die if light touches me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
