Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
