Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
