You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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