Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
