I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
