And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
