Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
