I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Boobs speak an international language.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
