I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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