He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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