i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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