My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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