Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
