I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
