Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
